Is Your Difficulty So Hard That You Can't Overcome

Troubling times are around and before us. We are all facing difficulties. A lot of the difficulties have been caused by the people who are our leaders. Some of the difficulties we have caused for ourselves. There are also natural disasters that are a result of climate change - again our leaders and us not being good environmental stewards.

So with the difficulties, should we remain down-trodden, depressed, broke and broken? Humans are innovative. We are survivors. While everything may seem to fall apart, we can pray and take initiative to improve our situation. Our God is powerful and he gives us much guidance and insight to overcome our struggles. Think positive and do positive. We will feel down for the moment and for a time but whether you lost a loved one or you are broke, you must go on. You must seek a realistic resolution to your problems.

When I had $10,000 of credit card debt, I devised a plan and got it paid off while remaining in good standing with the company. I never paid a late fee and my APR was always under 10%. Of course, I switched that balance around between several companies to get the best APR and I paid more than the mininum balance. My debt also was for needed things so I had a method for my madness. Don't follow in my footsteps, I adapt and I try to survive in slim times. I stopped caring about who has this and that a long time ago.

If you are not compelled by my real life example, then look in your bible, read a newspaper or turn on the TV to hear about so many others who have risen from obstacles. What your facing is not worse than the average person around you. Think of the hungry children and those who have lost so many friends and loved ones in Japan and Haiti. Be real because only with God's guidance can you dig yourself our of your hole.

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POEM: Open Wide

intense
inspiring
haunting
are your words
they entrance me
as all my senses
open wide
to accept your
chain of thought
no one else can express
like you do
because
you are
beyond brilliant
magnificent
and consistent
a poet

© Linette Rabsatt

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Making Decisions - careful yet spontaneous

I am a skeptic. I take time when making decisions. On the other hand, I am open to trying new things, especially when it matches my goals.

I've tried some new products but I do get turned off when they don't meet my expectations. I don't like personal sales so selling products is not my thing. I'm into marketing and customer service so I can give you ideas to increase your customers and to improve their experience. I'll try new foods but I don't eat meat so that does not cover much.

I've tried Shoe Goo to glue my shoes and I am happy with that. I've tried Dr. Miracle's Temple & Nape Gro Balm - 4 oz and that has been helping me get some new growth on my temple. I have even tried Avon Naturals Shampoo Almond and Avocado Moisturizing Dry Damaged Hair and I find it works with my kinky hair. I've been showing my afro these days so I need the extra moisturizer.


I usually try new foods according to what's happening at my job. So if we host a tasting or if a farmer brings a sample to me, I try it. So far, the two foods, I don't like are mustard greens and bitter gourd because they are both bitter. I'm a sweet chick like what I said in Confessions of a Chocolate-aholic who also loves cheesecake.

Writing for Suite101 was definitely a new thing for me especially being one of their few Caribbean based writer and the first Virgin Islander to be on the site. I like blogging and I find it works for me. I don't have much friends who blog but I encourage them too.

Call me a skeptic or call me careful but I like things that I think can work for me. I am spontaneous for what I want to be for yet I think I am careful for what's important.

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Why Do Married Men Cheat? Hear it from a cheater

Why Married Men Cheat

Gerald Sugar is a good-looking, goal oriented, talented and independent 30-year-old man who is sure to have many admirers. He is also married for under three years and always seems to speak of his wife positively. According to him, their relationship is going well.

Why an Affair?

So why would he have an affair? When Gerald was asked if he loved his wife, the immediate answer was yes but his answer was also in the affirmative when asked if he had an alternate relationship. According to Don-David Lusterman, PhD, a marriage and family therapist and author of Infidelity: A Survival Guide (New Harbinger Publications, Inc 1998), "Infidelity occurs when one member of a couple secretly violates the commitment to monogamy." 

When asked about the time he spends with the other woman, Gerald replies, "I am happy in a place that feels secure, loved and I feel like I don't want to leave the place I was meant to be," which according to Lusterman's definition, constitutes infidelity. He states that he does not love the other woman but he likes spending time with her. He says that since he has been married, he has had two other affairs in which there was sex, but he will always love his wife and that her needs come first.

On the Way to Divorce?

In the Virgin Islands, the divorce rates are rising. According to the Development Planning Unit (DPU) of the Government of the Virgin Islands, statistics from High Court Registry of the Supreme Court of the Virgin Islands show that the number of divorces have increased over a three year period from 53 in 2005, 78 in 2006 to 99 in 2007. While the numbers may seem small, the territories population is approximately 28,882 persons as of 2009 as shared by DPU. While information was not available to share on the causes of the divorces because of confidentiality constraints, it is pertinent to note the increases. 

Could Gerald also be on his way to a divorce? He said that after meeting his "friend" that he was attracted to her. After beginning a friendship with the lady, he started to develop feelings for her. He also noticed that he wanted to be close to her and also intimate with her. Despite these feelings, he is adamant that his marriage is fine. So why step out? When asked if he could be satisfied by one woman, he said no. Gerald also said that the cheating was not about sex or boredom and that maybe he has become greedy.

Faithfulness in courting and marriage has decreased and even as we look at the icons around us, Tiger Woods, as a best example, fell prey to other women and jeopardized his marriage. According to marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman in his article titled "Why Men Cheat" on Oprah.com, some men cheat because of an emotional disconnection or a lack of attention or appreciation at home. Gerald

did note that his wife is quite often preoccupied with other things and this may be the core reason that he has stepped into the arms of another woman who obviously has made him feel secured and loved. 

Deny the Other Relationship

Only his wife could express her true thoughts on the matter. Of course, such an interview would not have ended well because he has not admitted to any wrongdoing. He says that he will always deny any infidelity even if she has strong evidence and information which may prove that he is cheating on her.

Can He Stop the Affair?

While Gerald feels that his wife and himself are not compatible and that he cannot be satisfied by one woman, he somehow thinks that more communication, having children and better relations would improve his chances of being faithful. He admits that he spends a lot of time out with his male friends hanging out and maybe less of that behavior would aid him in being more committed to his wife.

According to WebMD's feature article on "Our Cheatin' Hearts -Men and Monogamy: Fighting the Urge to Have an Extramarital Affair" written by Sean Elder, he quotes Steven Nock, PhD, a professor of sociology at the University of Virginia who states that boredom increases the likelihood of a married person seeing the benefits in their marriage. While Gerald is adamant that he is not bored and sex is not a problem at home, he still craves the attention of another woman so there must be other underlying factors that cause him to commit adultery. 

Gerald may need to seek counseling from a licensed practitioner or from a religious figure to assist him with his infidelity issues but this will only work if he really wants to be faithful - which he clearly states that he is not ready for. His only reason for changing this bad habit may be if the other woman dumps him and he will surely find someone else to keep him cheating. Since he says he feels secure, loved and happy with the side relationship and will obviously deny if he gets caught in the act, this cheater will continue with both relationships.

Note: Name of the interviewee has been changed to protect his privacy.

Ribbon's Thoughts on a 'Holy' Thursday

It's not how you look to others. It's not how you are percieved by others. It's how you live with others and how you feel about yourself.

Don't let anyone be a stumbling block in your life. RISE! RISE! RISE! Have faith, get focused and pray. Take positive advice and run with it.

Love yourself. Feel good within your skin. Take care of yourself, not just with a hairdresser trip but with a massage, healthy eating and exercise.

Take care of your finances. Live within your means and this may really mean not taking that trip to the hairdresser and putting on that wig or piece or your own afro!

Take time for reflection and meditiation. Don't let anyone rush you into a hard decision unless there is an emergency. THINK! THINK! THINK! ...wisely, of course...

Be yourself and if you are grumpy, find something that can lighten that mood. Don't throw it on the rest of us. Or just tell us you are not in the best mood and to give you some space.

Find your spiritual center. Find your place of worship - however you do it, wherever you do it - praise God!

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POEM: A New Definition by Linette Rabsatt

Confessions of a Chocolate-aholic who also loves cheesecake

I love chocolate. I also love cheesecake but Hersheys, Snickers, Cadbury and M&Ms are my fix. Whether it's time of the month or a long day, chocolate makes me happy. I can remember eating one-half of the large St. Thomas Dairies chocolate icecream when I was pregnant with my daughter. It's funny because I still wonder why she was 7.5lbs.

Sweets are my weakness and it's something that I need to monitor because I come from a family who suffers diabetes and high blood pressure. I need to keep active and drink fluids to wash away these sweets.

I am also not ashamed to say that I don't like sharing my sweets. Call me 'selfish' but I love to sit and enjoy chocolate without having to break one piece or give away one M&M. As I write this blog post, I am enjoying a Cadbury Whole Nut. My inspiration comes from the simple things of life - a nice chocolate bar or a slice of 'good' cheesecake.

I don't need to eat the Dark Forest type chocolate cake unless I am really peevish. A nice tirumisu is good if you can get a nice piece. Don't get me wrong - I do love my local gooseberry or tamarind stew, a good piece of tart or a good vienna cake.

Chocolate just does something different and special for me. It is relaxing and perfectly sweet yet it makes me smile. I just love it!

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Reggae Artists Collaborations in Hip Hop, R&B and Pop

Reggae artists have worked with artists such as Mick Jagger, Beyonce, No Doubt and Janet Jackson in collaborations to produce chart topping songs.

Reggae music and its artists are versatile and have proven this by collaborating in songs with artists from other genres. Artists such as Peter Tosh, Shabba Ranks and Baby Cham among others have worked with R&B, Hip Hop and Pop artists to produce songs that are loved internationally.

Big Hits Featuring Reggae Artists

The list of reggae artists who have teamed with artists from other genres to write and sing would be very long. The following songs are well-loved and include classics from Peter Tosh, Patra and Shabba Ranks as well as more recent music from John Legend and Sean Paul.

• Peter Tosh and Mick Jagger: "(You Got to Walk And) Don't Look Back" is a reggae song about moving forward from bad relationships. "(You Got to Walk And) Don't Look Back" came from Tosh's 1978 album, Bush Doctor. Both of these powerful artists sang in the chorus, "so if you just put your hands in mine/ we're gonna leave all our troubles behind/ you got to walk and don't look back".
• Patra and YoYo: Patra and Yoyo sang "Romantic Call" from Patra's 1993 Queen of the Pack. Patra sings in the chorus "I'm on a romantic call, talking to my baby down a mi yard" and other lyrics include "phone call loving help when you feel lonely/ him can tell you things make you feel sexy". "Take your hands and wrap them round my waist/ cause I know that you can't wait" chants YoYo in her rap. There was a cameo of Tupac Shakur in the music video for "Romantic Call".
• Shabba Ranks and KRS-One: "The Jam" by Shabba Ranks featuring KRS-One was released on Shabba's As Raw As Ever album in 1991. KRS-One is known for his lyrical flow and had lyrics like "taking titles/ breaking idols/ the lyrics I chant in your head are like vitals" and "Boogey Down Productions specialize in classics/ cause all the others specialize in plastics" in "The Jam".
• John Legend and Buju Banton: John Legend's "Can't Be My Lover" comes from the No Other Love / Can't Be My Lover - Cool Breeze Mixes album released in 2009. "I got my bird in the eye why chase one in the sky" chants Buju Banton as Legend sings "over and over, over again... I tried to tell her no. no, no, I already have a friend".
• Baby Cham and Alicia Keys:  Baby Cham released "Ghetto Story" with Alicia Keys in 2006 on his album with the same title, Ghetto Story. Alicia chants in the song, "I remember the days when I went to bed hungry/ all I ever ate was white rice and honey". Some of Baby Cham's lyrics are "…when me and momma bed was a big piece of foam/ and me never like bathe and my hair never comb".
• Damien 'Jr. Gong' Marley and Bobby Brown: "Beautiful" is a sultry song by Damien 'Jr. Gong' Marley featuring Bobby Brown of New Edition. Coming from Marley's 2005 Welcome To Jamrock, "Beautiful" is a dedication to a lovely lady of good character. "She's the only queen the king is designating" and "she don't have no scratches only beauty spots" are some of Marley's lyrics.
• Barrington Levy and Shyne:  Barrington Levy was featured on two songs from Shyne's 2000 self-titled album, "Bonnie and Shyne" and "Bad Boy". In both songs, Levy adds his flavor and he was featured in both music videos.

Collaborations with Beenie Man

Beenie is considered one of the most popular reggae artists. He has collaborated with other reggae artists and also with Janet Jackson and Mya.

• "Girls Dem Sugar": Beenie Man's Art & Life album in 2000 carried a special song, "Girls Dem Sugar" featuring the songstress Mya. Beenie Man had already coined the phrase "girls dem sugar" in "Who Am I" from his 1997 album, Many Moods of Moses.
• "Feel It Boy": "Feel It Boy" came from Beenie Man's 2002 Tropical Storm. Janet sings the hook and Beenie Man tells the story in his chant. He starts the song off with "whenever I got no money/ she's still my honey" and Janet sings in part of the chorus "let's forget everything and everybody/ let's just have a party, me and you".

Reggae Collaborations with No Doubt

No Doubt featuring Gwen Stefani collaborated with Bounty Killer and Lady Saw on their 2001 album Rock Steady.

• "Hey Baby":  Bounty Killer, known for his hard lyrics in songs like "Sufferah" and "Fed Up" from his 2002 Ghetto Dictionary: The Mystery album, sang with No Doubt in "Hey Baby". Some of Bounty Killer's lyrics in "Hey Baby" are "when you rock your hips you know it amaze me...can you be my one and only sunshine lady" and he is featured in the music video.
• "Underneath It All":  Lady Saw joined with No Doubt in "Underneath It All", a mellow song with classic reggae and pop undertones. Stefani sings in the chorus "you're really lovely, underneath it all/ you want to love me, underneath it all". Part of Lady Saw's chant is "underneath it all you are my real prince charming/ like the heat from the fire you are always burning". Lady Saw does not appear in this video. This song appeared in the 2004 romantic comedy 50 First Dates headlined by Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore.

Collaborations with Sean Paul

Sean Paul has collaborated with several major artists including Busta  Rhymes in the "Gimme The Light Remix" and "Make It Clap", Blu Cantrell, Keisha Cole, Keri Hilson and Beyonce.

• "Give It Up To Me": Coming from the movie, Step Up (2006), Sean Paul sings "Give It Up to Me" with R&B songstress, Keisha Cole. Sean Paul chants "first place a where you belong" and "why can't you see, we ought to be together/ girl don't front on me". Lyrics from Keisha Cole include "as a woman on my own, I got it going on/ I'm liking what I see and I don't want to be alone".
• "Hold My Hand (I'll Be There): "Hold My Hand (I'll Be There) features [Keri Hilson](http://www.kerihilson.com) and comes from Sean Paul's 2009 Imperial Blaze album. "Girl you know I care, so if you ever lose your way/ don't have no fear" is part of the chorus that Sean Paul sings. Lyrics from Hilson include "and I never would disrespect boy/ I love you straight to my last breath".

Reggae is a genre that is never stagnant. The artists are talented and have and will continue to collaborate with artists from other genres to give the special flavor to the music that people love.

Ribbon's Tips for Saving & Reducing Debt

Making ends meet is not easy. It gets harder when you have bad habits. I listen to people who are crying that money is tight but yet some of them are 'fly' and taking trips. What are your priorities? I had to set mine in order to survive and still be able to enjoy the basics.

1. Save your change - singles and coins in a jar. Only access when the jar is full or if you really have no other funds to buy bread or water!
2. Take care of your family's clothing so that they can last longer. Iron dark colors with a white cloth and wash whites in hot water.
3. Recycle uniforms, books, church clothes with other family members or close friends.
4. Drive less by grouping errands and walking short distances. It's too hard to find parking spaces anyway!
5. Set a realistic savings goal. $20 per week is still $1,040 for one year.
6. Join a partnerhand and save your hand in a CD or Christmas Club account.
7. Long drives or ferry or airplane trips to shop? Can you really not find what you need online or where you live? What are you shopping for anyway - things you want or need?
8. Set goals. What is more important to you - a home or a car? If it's the car, then take car of it.
9. Include your car in your monthly budget. It needs tires, gas, brakes, servicing, coolant, oil, battery etc. Don't play cheap and not buy the new tires you need and be sure to rotate them. Driving on bum tires burns more gas.
10. If you cook food for your children then you can take lunch to work with you. Are you ashamed to walk with a lunch bag but not afraid to ask someone to buy you lunch? That's an lol moment for me!
11. Do your own hair once or twice a month. I do not mean for you to relax your own hair - we never recommend that. However, can't you style your hair by adding a wig, twisting, afroing, wrapping or using flexirods (thank's Juju) for cute curls.
12. Recycle, Reuse and conserve what you can whenever you can.
13. Try not to use the credit unless you can pay it off in one month. Remember, you pay interest on your credit card debt. If you are late once, your interest payment could double and of course there will be late fees. Use a debit card instead so that means if you don't have the money in the account, you can't shop.
14. Reduce your cable and telephone bills if you can. If you have internet, use Skype or another VOIP.

You still have to enjoy yourself and have fun. However, if you are in debt, you have to make choices to get yourself ahead. So if it means not going to the movies or going shopping, then do what is necessary.

I no longer feel sorry for anyone who lives beyond their means or who wants to keep up with the 'Jones and them'. I've made too many sacrifices to keep myself from sinking. Wake up, grow up and get your finances in order.

This is an example of ribbon's no-nonsense guidelines. Do what you know is right.

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POEM: How I Feel About You

Jamie Foxx said we are unpredictable
but I say whether or not, anything is possible
cause you and I are inseperable
it's like we are virtually incapable
of not loving each other
not wanting another
cause with you I feel cooler
loving you makes life much smoother
I lavish in the way you've captivated me
you in my future is what I see
this love has taken me to the place I want to be
so let's chill and listen to some Luther, McKnight or Bob Marley
relax, rewind, live life completely
cause you and I deserve more than satisfactory
let's be each other's significant other significantly
distinctively
physically
passionately
spiritually

© Linette Rabsatt

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