For those encouraged by the Royal Wedding: What to Consider When Asked to Be a Bridesmaid in a Wedding

Being a bridesmaid comes with certain responsibilities. A woman should think about how best she can contribute to the wedding even if it means declining.

Women who want to have a dream wedding always want a large bridal party which includes bridesmaids. Many women who are asked to be a bridesmaid see the request as an honor. On the other hand, other ladies see it as a burden. So what factors should women weigh when they are asked to be bridesmaids? While the wedding is all about the bride, bridesmaids do play an important role. Females should think about their relationship with the pending bride, the costs involved and their areas of specialty. They should also decide if their contribution to the wedding is best as a guest or instead as a facilitator.

 

Bridesmaids Have Tasks for the Wedding

A bride expects that her bridesmaids will work their hardest to make the wedding a success. They not only have to look the part by wearing the dress, hairstyle, makeup, shoes and accessories she chooses, they must be willing to execute other tasks. Bridesmaids may have to host the bridal shower and create the wedding favors as well as provide a support system for the bride.

Who is the Bride-to-be

Is the pending bride a family member, a best friend from high school, a college roomate or someone recently acquainted through Facebook? The tasks listed above can become overwhelming if the bride is late in planning the wedding. Ladies should agree to be bridesmaids because they love and value the bride and they want to make the wedding a memorable event by working hard.

How Much is Being a Bridesmaid Going to Cost

Being a bridesmaid can be costly if the dress, shoes, accessories and hairstyle have to be paid for from personal funds. These costs can sometimes run well over $200.00. A woman would have to look at her personal budget to decide if she can afford to pay for the bridesmaid items and still purchase a gift. Nancy Tessier in "The (High) Cost of Being a Bridesmaid" on the Favor Ideas website also notes that women "may need to get a sitter for the day" for their children because children are not necessarily invited. Having to contribute to the bridal shower will also be another expense to add to the list of costs.

Be a Bridesmaid, a Wedding Guest or a Nuptial Facilitator

Considering the requested tasks, the costs and the relationship with the bride, a lady can decline being a bridesmaid and instead attend the wedding as a guest while purchasing a nice gift. In addition, if the woman feels that her contribution would be more meaningful as an usher, booklet or invitation designer, cook, make-up artist or another facilitator, she should be open with the bride and offer her assistance.

When asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding, a lady should carefully consider the tasks ahead and decide what contribution she is willing to make to the bride. Sometimes, it is better to sit as a guest or to facilitate the wedding party in other ways to make the wedding day a grand success. If she chooses to be a bridesmaid, she must be ready to work hard and late to keep the bride happy.

Is Your Difficulty So Hard That You Can't Overcome

Troubling times are around and before us. We are all facing difficulties. A lot of the difficulties have been caused by the people who are our leaders. Some of the difficulties we have caused for ourselves. There are also natural disasters that are a result of climate change - again our leaders and us not being good environmental stewards.

So with the difficulties, should we remain down-trodden, depressed, broke and broken? Humans are innovative. We are survivors. While everything may seem to fall apart, we can pray and take initiative to improve our situation. Our God is powerful and he gives us much guidance and insight to overcome our struggles. Think positive and do positive. We will feel down for the moment and for a time but whether you lost a loved one or you are broke, you must go on. You must seek a realistic resolution to your problems.

When I had $10,000 of credit card debt, I devised a plan and got it paid off while remaining in good standing with the company. I never paid a late fee and my APR was always under 10%. Of course, I switched that balance around between several companies to get the best APR and I paid more than the mininum balance. My debt also was for needed things so I had a method for my madness. Don't follow in my footsteps, I adapt and I try to survive in slim times. I stopped caring about who has this and that a long time ago.

If you are not compelled by my real life example, then look in your bible, read a newspaper or turn on the TV to hear about so many others who have risen from obstacles. What your facing is not worse than the average person around you. Think of the hungry children and those who have lost so many friends and loved ones in Japan and Haiti. Be real because only with God's guidance can you dig yourself our of your hole.

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POEM: Open Wide

intense
inspiring
haunting
are your words
they entrance me
as all my senses
open wide
to accept your
chain of thought
no one else can express
like you do
because
you are
beyond brilliant
magnificent
and consistent
a poet

© Linette Rabsatt

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Making Decisions - careful yet spontaneous

I am a skeptic. I take time when making decisions. On the other hand, I am open to trying new things, especially when it matches my goals.

I've tried some new products but I do get turned off when they don't meet my expectations. I don't like personal sales so selling products is not my thing. I'm into marketing and customer service so I can give you ideas to increase your customers and to improve their experience. I'll try new foods but I don't eat meat so that does not cover much.

I've tried Shoe Goo to glue my shoes and I am happy with that. I've tried Dr. Miracle's Temple & Nape Gro Balm - 4 oz and that has been helping me get some new growth on my temple. I have even tried Avon Naturals Shampoo Almond and Avocado Moisturizing Dry Damaged Hair and I find it works with my kinky hair. I've been showing my afro these days so I need the extra moisturizer.


I usually try new foods according to what's happening at my job. So if we host a tasting or if a farmer brings a sample to me, I try it. So far, the two foods, I don't like are mustard greens and bitter gourd because they are both bitter. I'm a sweet chick like what I said in Confessions of a Chocolate-aholic who also loves cheesecake.

Writing for Suite101 was definitely a new thing for me especially being one of their few Caribbean based writer and the first Virgin Islander to be on the site. I like blogging and I find it works for me. I don't have much friends who blog but I encourage them too.

Call me a skeptic or call me careful but I like things that I think can work for me. I am spontaneous for what I want to be for yet I think I am careful for what's important.

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Why Do Married Men Cheat? Hear it from a cheater

Why Married Men Cheat

Gerald Sugar is a good-looking, goal oriented, talented and independent 30-year-old man who is sure to have many admirers. He is also married for under three years and always seems to speak of his wife positively. According to him, their relationship is going well.

Why an Affair?

So why would he have an affair? When Gerald was asked if he loved his wife, the immediate answer was yes but his answer was also in the affirmative when asked if he had an alternate relationship. According to Don-David Lusterman, PhD, a marriage and family therapist and author of Infidelity: A Survival Guide (New Harbinger Publications, Inc 1998), "Infidelity occurs when one member of a couple secretly violates the commitment to monogamy." 

When asked about the time he spends with the other woman, Gerald replies, "I am happy in a place that feels secure, loved and I feel like I don't want to leave the place I was meant to be," which according to Lusterman's definition, constitutes infidelity. He states that he does not love the other woman but he likes spending time with her. He says that since he has been married, he has had two other affairs in which there was sex, but he will always love his wife and that her needs come first.

On the Way to Divorce?

In the Virgin Islands, the divorce rates are rising. According to the Development Planning Unit (DPU) of the Government of the Virgin Islands, statistics from High Court Registry of the Supreme Court of the Virgin Islands show that the number of divorces have increased over a three year period from 53 in 2005, 78 in 2006 to 99 in 2007. While the numbers may seem small, the territories population is approximately 28,882 persons as of 2009 as shared by DPU. While information was not available to share on the causes of the divorces because of confidentiality constraints, it is pertinent to note the increases. 

Could Gerald also be on his way to a divorce? He said that after meeting his "friend" that he was attracted to her. After beginning a friendship with the lady, he started to develop feelings for her. He also noticed that he wanted to be close to her and also intimate with her. Despite these feelings, he is adamant that his marriage is fine. So why step out? When asked if he could be satisfied by one woman, he said no. Gerald also said that the cheating was not about sex or boredom and that maybe he has become greedy.

Faithfulness in courting and marriage has decreased and even as we look at the icons around us, Tiger Woods, as a best example, fell prey to other women and jeopardized his marriage. According to marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman in his article titled "Why Men Cheat" on Oprah.com, some men cheat because of an emotional disconnection or a lack of attention or appreciation at home. Gerald

did note that his wife is quite often preoccupied with other things and this may be the core reason that he has stepped into the arms of another woman who obviously has made him feel secured and loved. 

Deny the Other Relationship

Only his wife could express her true thoughts on the matter. Of course, such an interview would not have ended well because he has not admitted to any wrongdoing. He says that he will always deny any infidelity even if she has strong evidence and information which may prove that he is cheating on her.

Can He Stop the Affair?

While Gerald feels that his wife and himself are not compatible and that he cannot be satisfied by one woman, he somehow thinks that more communication, having children and better relations would improve his chances of being faithful. He admits that he spends a lot of time out with his male friends hanging out and maybe less of that behavior would aid him in being more committed to his wife.

According to WebMD's feature article on "Our Cheatin' Hearts -Men and Monogamy: Fighting the Urge to Have an Extramarital Affair" written by Sean Elder, he quotes Steven Nock, PhD, a professor of sociology at the University of Virginia who states that boredom increases the likelihood of a married person seeing the benefits in their marriage. While Gerald is adamant that he is not bored and sex is not a problem at home, he still craves the attention of another woman so there must be other underlying factors that cause him to commit adultery. 

Gerald may need to seek counseling from a licensed practitioner or from a religious figure to assist him with his infidelity issues but this will only work if he really wants to be faithful - which he clearly states that he is not ready for. His only reason for changing this bad habit may be if the other woman dumps him and he will surely find someone else to keep him cheating. Since he says he feels secure, loved and happy with the side relationship and will obviously deny if he gets caught in the act, this cheater will continue with both relationships.

Note: Name of the interviewee has been changed to protect his privacy.

Ribbon's Thoughts on a 'Holy' Thursday

It's not how you look to others. It's not how you are percieved by others. It's how you live with others and how you feel about yourself.

Don't let anyone be a stumbling block in your life. RISE! RISE! RISE! Have faith, get focused and pray. Take positive advice and run with it.

Love yourself. Feel good within your skin. Take care of yourself, not just with a hairdresser trip but with a massage, healthy eating and exercise.

Take care of your finances. Live within your means and this may really mean not taking that trip to the hairdresser and putting on that wig or piece or your own afro!

Take time for reflection and meditiation. Don't let anyone rush you into a hard decision unless there is an emergency. THINK! THINK! THINK! ...wisely, of course...

Be yourself and if you are grumpy, find something that can lighten that mood. Don't throw it on the rest of us. Or just tell us you are not in the best mood and to give you some space.

Find your spiritual center. Find your place of worship - however you do it, wherever you do it - praise God!

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POEM: A New Definition by Linette Rabsatt