Friends... Or Not?

I have been toggling with the word, 'friend,' over the past weeks. I have had people question my 'friendship,' and I, in turn, have done the same. I've also seen a few posts on social media about 'friendship.'

I checked the Oxford online dictionary and here is the definition:
"a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations."

Did we let music define what a friend is?
I love music, so I went to look for songs about friendship:

"That's What Friends Are For"
Dionne Warwick Feat. Elton John, Gladys Knight and Stevie Wonder.
“Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forevermore
That's what friends are for”

"True Friend (Buss A Shot)"
Demarco
"Me haffi big up all me friend dem
Me friend dem ever there
Me get a one food, yeah, the food haffi share
Me tell dem say we a go get rich fi this year
Weh dem did deh when we a bounce inna one pair"

Did Biz Markie help to blur the line between friendships between men and women in "Just a Friend?"
“But when I sprung the question, she acted kind of strange
Then when I asked, "Do ya have a man?", she tried to pretend
She said: "No, I don't, I only have a friend"

Or did Kelly Price muddy the waters with "Friend of Mine?"?
"She was a friend of mine (Yeah-yeah)
She left with my man (Why, why, why?)
She lied (Yeah-yeah), cheated (Oh, lord), took all I had (She was, yeah)
She was a friend of mine (Ooh, ooh-ooh)
She used what she knew (I don't know why)
She lied (Yeah), cheated (Ooh-oh), and left me confused"

Randy Newman probably sang it best in the Toy Story hit song, "You've got a friend in me":

You've got a friend in me
You've got troubles, and I've got 'em, too
There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you
We stick together and we see it through
'Cause you've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me"

Who are my friends?
Seriously, I really started to question who my friends were. I know lots of people with common passions, hobbies, lifestyles, or family life. I also have people that I check on regularly - just to see if they are okay. I also have those who check on me. But are we friends?

Are your friends your friends?
Choose a close person to you, not a lover or family member, and answer these questions.

• What do you have in common with this person?
• What was the reason for your last phone call or message to this person?
• Do you ask this person for advice?
• Has this person tried to help you in any way in the past six months?
• If you were gravely ill, would you tell this person?
• Are you upset when this person does not agree with your point of view?

Switch it around. Change the perspective. How have the answers changed? How would this person answer these questions about you?

Depending on how you answer, you may be an acquaintance: “a person one knows slightly, but who is not a close friend.”

I guess that would cover buddies on Facebook, fellow alumni, church folk, teammates, coworkers, etc.

As stated earlier, this post was sparked by recent interactions. I'm not the best 'friend.' I'm a loner whose childhood friends were her radio and books. I'm a problem solver who loves challenges. I've had no choice but to figure out things on my own. Maybe, I'm not the best at setting clear expectations. I'll improve.

Cherish Your Friends
These are my parting thoughts:

• Cherish the people who care for you.
• Connect with people who make you comfortable while holding you accountable.
• Don't assume that a nice person is your friend.
• Set boundaries.
• Be respectful of people's time and boundaries.
• Back off if your energy is not being reciprocated.
• Consider figuring things out on your own.
• Invest in what grows you.

Ribbon